Kayta, a friend from Russia, and I in her new home of Munich, Germany.
In response to President Obama’s State of the Union address this past Wednesday, I, a regular American, would like to give a very personal account of this past semester.
Madam Speaker (AKA, Mom), Vice-Mom (Dad), members of my family, distinguished friends, fellow Americans, and President Obama,
Fourscore and twenty-four days ago, I returned to Israel from a short visit to the United States: that is, I returned to a country where America’s tax-dollar actually IS at work. And, no, I am not talking about the ubiquitous white UN vehicles mall-copping Jerusalem.
Initially, I flew from Washington, DC to Munich where I spent a few days with old friends from Russia. That was October, and I can say with confidence that our fight against Global Warming is breaking new ground: it snowed. Also, I’m happy to report that while in Munich I visited the BMW Museum and Plant. I will be forwarding my notes to GM because I trust that 2009 will be (one of) the last time(s) we bail out one of our top domestic manufacturers. As an American, I would like our country to develop a new motto. It calls for “change,” answers cries for “hope,” that is: If you can’t innovate, copy the Germans [Applause].
In order to progress towards a more peaceful world, in 2010 I hope that the United States will consider increasing its annual funding to Israel by an additional $1 billion dollars. This money must specifically be useOnce arriving in Jerusalem, I literally started my first semester of graduate work ten hours later. And, this, my friends, is my excuse for all communication failure over the past three and a half months. I quickly found out that “just getting by” is not such a bad goal after all. One of my first classes began with, my now favorite professor, passing around a sheet of paper: “Just write down your name and all of the ancient languages that you know. If you know Latin, don’t worry about writing it. It’s not ancient enough.” Such personal taunts are the reason that I am provoked to call for a bi-partisan initiative to produce an education bill that sees to it that no child (like me) is left behind. The Chinese don’t just know science and math, they are also pushing ahead in fields such as Ugaritic, Akkadian, and other long-dead languages. Both Republicans and Democrats need to consider increasing funding for all three Americans who are taking out loans to study such things for the years 2009-2011. Emm, smells like stimulus money…
In order to progress towards a more peaceful world, in 2010 I hope that the United States will consider increasing its annual funding to Israel by an additional $1 billion dollars. This money must specifically be used to combat the most comprehensive terrorist organization operating in Jerusalem: the rabid Jerusalem cats. They are scary, and they are EVERYWHERE in Jerusalem. In the restaurants. In the church. In the synagogue. In the school. Clearly, they are attempting to undermine every part of society. After many mornings of waking up to three screeching cats that decided to reside outside of my bedroom, I am happy to announce that they have retreated and have decreased in hostility. I would like to recognize my Dutch roommate, Mika, for chasing them out of the garden with water hose and screaming unintelligible “something like German” words at them. Even though she did use a lot of Israel’s most precious resource, water, that rabid network of terrocats now knows not to mess with Holland. [Long applause. Mika smiles, mouths “sit down” in Dutch]. She gets embarrassed [Laughter].
And blah, blah, blah, blah (who really pays attention to long addresses, anyway?). This is already way too long. Obviously, I am on break, and for now, I’m done writing in the style of a State of the Union Address. I should really post some pictures, make some video, and give a few details about my trip to Jordan, singing African American spirituals on the streets of Tel Aviv for Christmas, and other Israel happenings. I’m on a school break now, so that might happen in the next few days.
Until then, God bless you, and God bless the United States of America [Applause].
A picture from Jordan: a preview of coming events.
